Cars
by Hamilton Nolan
Here’s an issue a lot of people would like to sweep under the rug: Sometimes you call a car to take you to the airport and you put your bag in the trunk, and then you reach up to shut the trunk and the driver yells, “STOP! It’s automatic!” The next time, you call a different car, put your bag in the trunk, and get in the car.
“HEY!” this driver yells. “You didn’t close the trunk!”
Am I to be made to feel like a fool because I do not possess X-ray vision that reveals to me the inner workings of each and every model of car trunk? Is this my fate?
The same thing happens with doors. You get in a cab or somebody’s minivan and start to pull the door shut. “STOP PULLING! It’s automatic!” the driver barks. It seems to me that the main function of these automatic doors is to transform drivers into spitting mad, Yosemite Sam-type figures. I’m sorry, I was under the impression that I was handling a car part, not a d*** Faberge egg. Going forward, shall I just clamber into vans and sit quietly waiting to find out whether the door will eventually be closed electronically, or remain open like a Huey Helicopter whisking me through the streets of Brooklyn like a Vietnam-era “door gunner?”
Keep us breathing fire!
For $3/month you can read this whole post and get our weekdaily newsletter too!