Float your boat / Stretch your prose

Today:  Anna Merlan, author of REPUBLIC OF LIES: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power; and Colin McGowan, a writer living in Chicago.

Issue No. 171

The Viking Funeral Question
Anna Merlan

A Glimpse of Robert Coover
Colin McGowan

The Viking Funeral Question

by Anna Merlan

A few years ago, my friend Anita discovered a highly particular lifehack, one which she has, in the spirit of generosity, agreed to share with the public. Without meaning to—without wanting to, really—she put a statement on her OKCupid profile that proved to be a magnetic force, drawing all the worst men in the world out of the woodwork so she could put them, tidily, into the trash. It wasn’t what you might expect. It wasn’t about religion, feminism, childcare, or Joe Rogan. It was, instead, about what she wants to happen after she dies; what we have begun to call, in our endless bemused texts on the subject, the Viking Funeral question. 

A little bit of context here, and some brief historical notes. At the time Anita started using OKCupid, anyone who viewed your profile could send a little inbox message, called an “intro,” in response to something you’d written and shoot their shot. Most men chose to send Anita the usual generic messages: “How was your weekend,” “Hi beautiful,” or, memorably, one guy who opened with, “I think I’m in love with you.” But a few responded to a prompt that Anita had filled in, asking users to complete the following blank:  “When I die I will…” 

In response, Anita had written, “Hopefully have told enough people I want a Viking burial.” 

To be clear: when she wrote “Viking burial,” Anita was using the phrase to denote a historically incorrect but intensely cinematic idea; that her earthly remains would be floated onto a body of water in a tiny boat, which would then be burned—ignited from the shore by means of a flaming arrow.