Twenty-One Reactions to Seeing Those Assholes Eating McDonald’s on a Private Jet

“Johnson confirms that RFK Jr. ‘did actually eat some of the McDonald’s.’”
—Katherine Swartz, reporter for NOTUS

Re: this photograph:

1. They should not even have access to fast food. That is ours.

2. Why is Don Jr. holding up the carton of McDonald’s fries for the camera? We can easily see what they are. Fucking idiot. 

3. What the fuck is the silverware for? You are eating chicken nuggets.

4. Chicken nuggets are great, but a disastrous prop for a bunch of sweaty goons who would have us believe they can be trusted with the nuclear codes. We cannot allow chicken nuggets into the White House; these chuds should be surviving on cottage cheese and pineapple, like Richard Nixon. We used to be a proper country…   

5. Trump Sr.’s row of bespoke condiments includes a shaker of salt. This man is salting his fast food. We need immediate disclosures about what kind of medical technology is being used to keep him alive. 

6. (Seeing that Filet-O-Fish) I know it smell crazy in there.

7. I am 80 percent sure that Musk squirted his ketchup directly into the carton of fries, as opposed to a surface or container where he can dip them. Barbaric, toddler-like behavior.

8. Okay, RFK Jr., I have to give you this one. The panic on your face is an arguably peerless iteration of the “Record scratch—freeze frame—‘You’re probably wondering how I got here’” meme. But you were forced by a sociopath to eat food you consider literal poison, and that’s what really counts. Bonus points for eating a Big Mac that had surely cooled to an unappetizing room temperature.

9. Check out House Speaker Mike “I’m Here Too!” Johnson—a walking, talking afterthought. You should be very worried that Trump wanted his own least favorite kid at the table instead of you. By the way, did you actually get any food, or did the aide sent to pick up the order mysteriously “forget” to ask what you wanted? Weird, right?

10. (Thinking of the inevitable sulfurous farts) It’s about to smell even crazier in there.

11. A plastic bottle of Coke instead of a fountain soda. You cannot be serious.

12. Although I suppose Musk and Jr. not having anything to drink is weirder.

13. The gluttony here is illustrative. Was a large McDonald’s combo meal not enough for any of these dribbling cretins? Maybe they’re just eating their fill and throwing the scraps on the floor for Johnson. 

14. I wonder how much employee saliva Trump has consumed with his McDonald’s meals since 2015. Cumulatively it has to be like a gallon at this point.

15. Fuck, I hate them all so much.

16. Is the Kennedy curse transferable? I mean, I wouldn’t get in a plane with one. Or a boat, for that matter. Car? Also not ideal.

17. You know, given the way Trump stiffs his contractors, it stands to reason that his private jet is overdue for critical maintenance. If you stare hard enough, you can almost convince yourself that the window panel behind him is coming loose.      

18. Credit where it’s due, I love that they still won’t include J.D. Vance in their “bro hangs.”

19. The rhetorical chasm between this picture (or the late campaign photo-op where Trump play-acted as a fry cook) and images from the McDonald’s feast he served a champion college football team at the White House in 2019 indicate a diminishing power. We have continually feared what Trump will do, and he will certainly do bad things in office, as he reliably did in his first term. Yet it also seems clear, both in hindsight and speculating on the second term, that his style of authoritarianism is lazy, even passive, a natural shortcut for a man who runs afoul of rules by sheer blind inertia and thereby proves to himself, over and over, that there is nobody to enforce them. I would not be shocked if, while enabling some of the worst people alive to run roughshod over the most vulnerable people in America these next four years, he meanwhile enters effective retirement, golfing twice as much between visits to McDonald’s. He never has to run again, and can simply lie for the rest of his life about what he’s already accomplished. Hell, just say you vetoed Democratic legislation to outlaw cheeseburgers. It’s that easy.

20. A good cheeseburger would hit the spot right now.

21. At McDonald’s, the ice cream machine is always broken. The metaphor strains itself.